Waiting For Your Mate?

I wrote this blog because I was asked several times about this subject. So here are my thoughts on it.

I have learned that when it comes to dating and finding your mate, people tend to have their own views—and most of the time, they don’t want to be told anything different. There’s a saying that goes, “Love is blind,” but honestly, it should say, “Look out! Lust will blind you!” No lie… when someone comes into your life that you’re interested in, you can totally lose it. You enter what I call the “La La Zone.”

Someone can come along and say, “I saw that guy or gal with someone else,” and you won’t hear a word of it. Everyone around you can see something is wrong with that person and may even say, “I’m afraid for you,” but all warnings will fall on deaf ears.

Instead of praying about that person, weighing things out, and observing how they act around other people, we ignore wisdom. We don’t stop to ask ourselves questions like:
Is this the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with? Is this the kind of person I would want to be the mother or father of my children? What kind of wife or husband would this person be? Are our beliefs the same? Are we heading in the same spiritual direction?

You know what I’m talking about—you put on the blinders and stop thinking. I’m telling you, get out of the Zone!

You’re probably thinking, “Man, I just want to date.” Ask yourself why. Why do you want to date? Here are some things that can happen when you date without a plan:

1. Falling into sin and getting pregnant

2. Ending up with an abortion

3. Breaking up and going through the same thing all over again with someone else

4. Ending in divorce

5. Bringing a bundle of pain into your next relationship

6. Getting off the path God has for you 

    7. Traumatizing your children

   I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.

You cannot build a relationship on warm, fuzzy feelings or surface things like how attractive, skinny, cool, or popular someone is. Trust me—those things won’t matter as much when you’re married. You can be the most beautiful woman or the most handsome man, and your spouse may still cheat on you.

Here’s the point I’m trying to make: choosing your mate is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. It will change the entire course of your life—for better or for worse. So why not make sure you choose the right one?

Now you might be thinking, “Who are you to give advice?” Well, I’m a nobody—I just have experience.

I married someone based on those warm, fuzzy feelings and ended up with two children who didn’t have a father present in their lives, two abortions, and a marriage that ended in divorce after five years. My happily-ever-after dreams were over. I also carried tremendous baggage into my next relationship.

Let me add this—I didn’t have Jesus in my life then. I learned the hard way, and I’ll be honest with you: I don’t want to see this story repeated in your life. I did not get to be the mother I always wanted to be because of the pain I carried. My children are still paying the price for the choices I made years ago.

Always remember this: the decisions you make will affect the people you love. So be wise.

I was determined not to make the same mistake twice. When the man I am married to today came to me and said, “The Lord told me you are to be my wife,” I wanted to laugh. Here comes this man who loved the Lord—someone I had no fuzzy feelings for and definitely didn’t want to marry—telling me he was my husband. My response was, “I don’t think so!”

Then Lord was tugging on my heart: “How do you know this isn’t the guy for you?”
It was time to hit the brakes.

I realized it was true—I didn’t know. So I took a month away from him to pray and fast. My prayer was one of surrender. I realized God knew what was best for me, and I also knew my first choice had been a disaster.

I prayed, “Lord, if this is the husband for me, change my heart. Give me a desire to be his wife, because the way I feel right now isn’t going to cut it.”

I waited on God to work in my heart—and He did. My feelings changed, and I had to admit my husband was right. God knew I needed this man in my life. We’ve laughed a lot, cried, and worked in ministry together. We’ve been married 23 years, and it doesn’t feel like it. No, our marriage isn’t perfect—our baggage is the biggest reason for that—and the truth is, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage.

The Bible gives us standards to follow when choosing a mate.

Scripture to Support This Message

Philippians 3:3 (NKJV)
“For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh.”

This reminds us that relationships built on feelings, attraction, or the flesh alone will not last. Our confidence must be in Christ, not in warm, fuzzy emotions.

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1 Corinthians 7:1 (NKJV)
“Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”

God’s Word calls us to wisdom, self-control, and holiness in our relationships, not rushing ahead of His timing.

Here’s the point I’m trying to make: choosing your mate is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. It will change the entire course of your life—for better or for worse. So why not make sure you choose the right one?

The Lord wants us to live holy lives, and the enemy wants us to fall into sin. There is nothing wrong with getting married—but follow God’s Word and be wise. One more thing you need to remember: just because the person you’re interested in is a Christian doesn’t mean they’re the one.

You both should be moving in the same direction in God. Think of it this way: the Lord isn’t going to remove you from the path He’s called you to. He will bring your mate’s path alongside yours.

So pray—pray—pray. Take time away from that person and surrender them to God. Pray, “Lord, if this isn’t the right one, remove these feelings and let this relationship end.” Or you may need to pray the prayer I prayed.

Trust God. He knows what’s best for you. Do things His way.

Like I said, when it comes to choosing your mate, you’re going to do it your way anyway. This blog is for the hardcore—for those who truly want to do things God’s way. When it comes down to choosing between God and your mate, choose God. That way, you can’t lose.

In America today, the divorce rate is around 55 percent—Christians. That comes from doing things our own way.

Just my thoughts—mixed with truth.

Be A Voice
Olga