An Awakening: A Journey Toward Healing and Identity
By Olga (Be_A_Voice)
I used a lot of tissues learning this lesson. It was truly an awakening.
We are all born into this world with our first cry—innocent, pure, and completely dependent on someone to love us, care for us, protect us, and teach us how to live. From the very beginning, we are created with a deep need for trust and love.
This was the wonderful plan and design of God.
As Psalm 139:13–16 tells us:
“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.”
How precious are the Lord’s thoughts toward us. His love for us surpasses even the greatest love a father or mother could give. We were wonderfully made—yet most of us grow up completely unaware of this truth. How can we know unless someone tells us?
As we grow and mature, the Lord’s desire is for His love and purpose to be revealed to us as early as possible so that His plan for our lives can be fulfilled. Sadly, because of our sin nature, our free will, and generational brokenness, this rarely happens. Instead, many of us encounter painful experiences passed down from generation to generation—experiences that quietly shape the course of our lives.
I want to share a moment from my own life.
I was born into a family of seven—Dad, Mom, three sisters, and a younger brother. I do not know my parents’ full stories, but I do know they were not good ones. I cannot remember a time when I was held and told, “I love you,” even though I believe they did love me. Positive words were foreign in my home. Instead, I heard words like stupid and dumb, along with constant yelling—enough to make your head spin.
One particular memory left a lasting mark on my heart.
It was report card day. My sisters and I were walking home from school, filled with fear. I remember looking at my report card and thinking, I should be okay—there are no F’s. (There were no A’s either.) When we walked through the door, we handed our report cards to our mother. As she looked them over, all hell broke loose.
She began yelling and searching for her metal cheese graters. When she found them, she made us kneel on them. There weren’t enough graters for all three of us, so she poured raw rice under my younger sister’s knees. As I knelt there in pain, I could hear her shouting, “F… F… F.” As a child, I didn’t understand how that F got there. I was completely confused.
But something deeper happened that day.
As I cried in pain, I began to believe I was a failure—and that nothing I did would ever change that. My home life altered the entire course of my future. I made decisions based on how I felt and what I constantly heard in my mind: You are a failure.
Because of that belief, I never had the courage to try things I desired—playing an instrument, learning new skills, archery, education—because I was terrified of failing.
In my early adulthood, I encountered the Lord and tried to accept that He saw me differently. But by then, I carried so much baggage. Healing became a process, and it was not easy. The scripture I lived by was:
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
I went to the Lord with my pain and I discovered just how deep my wounds were. I felt like crying out, “Get the ambulance—my wounds are deep! Why am I still alive?” And then I realized—the Holy Spirit must be driving, because He is the only one who can get me through this.
Thank God for His healing power.
Here’s the truth: I discovered that I had been robbed.
Robbed of knowing who I was created to be.
Robbed of my true identity.
Robbed of the life God intended for me.
I asked myself questions like: Who am I really? Who was I meant to be? What would my life have looked like if I had been loved and encouraged from the beginning?
For those wondering—Olga was in the Holy Spirit’s hospital, recovering. I am getting to know her, learning who she was created to be. With the Lord’s help, the old will die, and the new creation will rise and live.
The truth is, we have all been through things that changed the direction of our lives. Some of us have been abused, neglected, rejected, violated, or hurt beyond words. In response, many turned to things that only caused more damage. We developed characteristics we don’t like and lost sight of who we were meant to be.
We have been robbed of God’s original design for our lives.
We must understand this: we have a sin nature, free will, and an adversary—Satan—whose plan is destruction. His goal is to steal, kill, and destroy, and sadly, he has been effective.
But healing is available.
We must stop agreeing with the lies of the enemy. When he tells us who we are not, we must resist him with truth. I was never a failure. I was always created to be a child of God. Through Jesus Christ, I have been given the power to live fully here on earth. The same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead lives in me.
So to those who are hurting, I say this:
Pursue healing. Seek direction. Receive a revelation of God’s love for you.
You are not who your pain says you are.
